It is SO refreshing to hear some of these life principles again as I begin this new year by revisiting what got me into coaching.  There is absolutely so much information on how to awesome this year and this decade that you cannot use the excuse that there isn’t a good system or a map to get you there.  Ya just can’t!  But you have to been keen on who to listen to and what to do with what you hear or read.

The best analogy I know for this is thinking of the information that you’re tapping into as a supermarket.  You go in and see thousands of items on the shelves.  There are sections you didn’t know existed.  And it may take you hours to go through the store, but don’t just shop near the front – dive in and take a look at everything.

Of course you’re going to use a shopping cart; you want to be able to take some away – get what you need.  And that’s the next part about this analogy.  You’re certainly not going to go into the store and take everything in it.  Your cart won’t hold it and you’ll never be able to use it all, anyway.

It’s the same with self-improvement.  You just can’t listen to everything and read everything – but you can check it out.  Go through books, listen to audios, Google the person, see if there are some videos you can see on YouTube to get an idea of how this person really is.  Maybe you don’t want to take them home with you!  So like a supermarket  – take what you need and leave the rest on the shelf.

That’s one way to guard your mind and lay down a strategy of acheiving your goals this year; find the teachers that you feel good about.  That’s super important.  You know who they are when you start listening to them.  Your values align with theirs.  And you get a good feeling about them and what they teach.

Happiness should be almost at the top of your list for this decade.  Strive for it.  It can come by simply being grateful for what you have and what you can do with what you have.

Circumstances and other humans can get you off track easily, if you let them.  What ever you focus on, you attract.  So focus on what you want.  If you are in less than desirable circumstances, focus on where you want to be.  And make the area where you work reflect that feeling.

If people are dragging you down and off-track, don’t listen to them.  Spend more time listening to people who are like you want to be, and less time listening to people who zap your energy, or throw you off course.  Protect what you hear.  Protect what you read.  Protect what you do.

I made a decision this year to stop listening to talk radio.  Even though I was a huge fan, worked as a talk show host in the Dallas/Fort Worth market for over 15 years, I don’t believe dwelling on what they say is where I want to be thinking this year.  I’m looking for what inspires and makes me better, and listening to talk radio is debatable, I know, but there are only 24 hours in my day.  That’s just a choice – if you’re a diehard fan, maybe you can’t do without.

Protect what you want to become.  Don’t wait.  Do it for you!

I am totally amazed at my wife.

She’s turning into a new person and it’s simply because she has taken control of the area of fitness.  She is an inspiration and simply having her around you makes you want to become more like her.

Lately, I’ve been counseling someone who was off the scale when it came to stress.  Ever find yourself there?  Days seem so short and you are working your hardest just to put out fires.  You know how you got there and you are hoping one day you will wake up and stress will be gone and people will be sending you bushels of money in the mail like on the late-night TV commercials.

To manage stress you must take complete control over the activities in your daily life.  The big, bad word “planning” is involved.  You must plan, and set priorities to those plans.  And guess what else is so key here?

I bet you thought I was going to say time management – and you’re right – to an extent.  The biggest problem I find people have is just getting to the point of concentrating – focusing with laser-like focus – on the “one” thing – that most important thing and doing it – until it’s done.

Yesterday I talked about listening and how tough it was to stay concentrated even when someone is so boring you start thinking of the monarchs that migrate to Mexico each year and how beautiful that must be.  This is just as hard because of two things – 1. The way we are wired – I mean, it’s really hard as humans because there are so many inputs, senses, that tear us from one thing to another.  Again yesterday I was happily sitting in my home office typing away when the smell of cookies started wafting in through the hallway.  Guess where my concentration went then?

OK, 2. We’re living in a world of information overload.  I’ve addressed this before.  You only need to walk into a traditional supermarket and look in the canned food section to see what your mind is going through with the Internet and TV and radio and mail.  Oops – I forgot phones.  Everything is screaming for your attention.  Notice the colors of those cans at the supermarket.  Each designed to be different from and better than the competition.  I am so glad we don’t come with fuses.  Or maybe that’d be a good thing.

So, I don’t blame you a bit on this one – if you take a while to learn how to concentrate on one single thing until you get it done.  It’s hard!!!

But help is here.  I learned something with Tony Robbins that is very cool.  It’s called “chunking.”  You have a few hard challenges here.  One, you gotta concentrate.  Two, tasks generally take large portions of time, no?  So we need to organize our days in such a way that we allocate these chunks of time so that we can do the jobs upon which our success depends.

Did you get that?

That is the whole key to de-stressing and taking back control.  Should I write it again?  People pay big money to learn this over three-day weekends.  Maybe I should be charging for this… ha!  But seriously -

Say after me:  I need to plan and organize my day in such a way that I allocate chunks of time so I can do the jobs upon which my success depends.

Thank you… I’m going home now…  Good night!

All right – but really, that’s it in a nutshell.  And here’s something that will make it even greater and more powerful and fun:  When you set priorities and concentrate single-mindedly – when you do these two things – I promise you – you will begin to feel a tremendous sense of control and well-being.  And, when you start working toward accomplishing your most important tasks – guess what!!?  You will start to feel a flow of energy and enthusiasm.  When you finish something that you know is key, you will feel a burst of energy!  More self-esteem!  You feel you are making a big difference.

My wife tells me that is the single, most important motivator she felt when she started her fitness plan; that she felt she was moving toward her goal and she was making a big difference in her health.

Oh, and to give you a reality check, think about those small tasks you do every day – low priority items that you busy yourself with.  They make you more and more stressful.  Even if you finished a hundred of these little jobs, you get no enjoyment or accomplishment.

So think about what one thing, if you did it quickly and well, would have the greatest impact on your work?  That’s what you need to tackle.  But make sure you chunk it and plan it!

And when you go off chasing butterflies to Mexico, tell yourself out loud – Get on track, Get on track, Get on track!  – Focus until you’ve got it done.

I’m cheering you on!
Dave

When my first brood of kids got out on their own, and even before, I must confess, I heard more than once, that I was an excellent selective listener.

Naturally, I defended my position exclaiming that I was probably the best multi-tasker they would ever meet.  And I still cling to that to a degree – but I do know I can improve my listening skills.

What I shudder to think is how many opportunities I’ve missed because I just didn’t listen well enough.  There are tons of books, even websites on improving your listening skills.  These are all helpful, but I have for you the key skill you need to become an excellent listener and will teach you now.  So, listen up. 

The best advice I can give you about listening is to listen attentively.  Lean towards your prospect or friend and face them squarely.  Your attention should be focused on the persons face – look right at his or her mouth and eyes.

Make sure you listen without interruption.  Remember those movie scenes where you see the actor hanging on to every word?  This is how you must be – listening to every word like you were going to be given a test on it.  Better still, think as if this person was on the verge of giving you a million dollar order.  I challenge you to listen as if there were no one else in the world to whom you would rather listen to – and to what they are saying.

OK, you’re really captivated by the person now.  But let me give you the gem that will tie this altogether.  Practice paying close, uninterrupted attention to a person when they are speaking.  This is the greatest listening skill.  And one you’ll have to work at – because it is the hardest facility to develop – but this one, my friend, is the most important of all.

It requires a lot of practice and great discipline and it’s hard to do.  Especially in this information overload day and age – we have to do all we can to keep our mind from wandering.

Let me tell you, though – the payoff is tremendous.  You will be rewarded for practicing this and you’ll get better at it.  Note that great people are good at this and you want to become a great listener.  The neat thing is that you can.  It’s a skill you’re never too old to develop.

Practice this skill and let me know if you, too, had challenges with the kids and your “selective listening”.

Talk soon,
Dave