Emotional Hangovers

by Dave Jackson

We have choices.Tension rises between you and a loved one and you now feel wronged, misunderstood, have no value, you’re on an emotional roller coaster. You can feel great one moment, and the next – upset.

This may happen, but we must acknowledge that we’re responsible for our reactions. How do you even prepare for something like that?

First realize that you might be too emotionally attached to the outcome of the issue to deal with it. Do you feel you HAVE to win; that you NEED to be right? This is probably the hardest area to address because you have to come to terms with yourself and find that you aren’t always right and that in order to be happy – it may mean facing the fact that you’re wrong – or need to compromise.

If you’re trying to get into the position of control, this can also lead to frustration and pain. If you release your emotional attachment, try to look at the issue without your emotional component, see that big picture – you will be able to respond better to the situation.

It’s helpful to set up parameters. If you know this is going on around you, you need to know what you need to stay happy. If it means backing down or not addressing a remark made at you – then so be it. Most of the time the other party knows exactly what buttons to push to get you to where you’re upset. If you dislike feeling rejected – the other person will reject you. If you have a hard time handling being loved – the other party will show you none. If you need to feel worthy, or worthwhile – the other party will make you feel you’re worthless.

The choice is to not engage. This is a choice – it’s an action. At the same time, you can change your attitude toward the issue and the person involved. And finally you can accept what is being said. Know that you have these choices and can protect yourself by knowing in advance that you have the power. Use it.

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